Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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