so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
