it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
