Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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