We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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