Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
