I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
