oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
