Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
