Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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