Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I need help removing her.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
