I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
