Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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