The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
