It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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