I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Mom said you looked used
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
