my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
