there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
