im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
