And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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