Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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