So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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