I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
