can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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