im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
