I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
