You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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