dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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