I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
