i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
