Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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