I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I still have a little drunk in my system
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
