how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
