Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
