Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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