I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
