i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
