i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The air taste purple.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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