I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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