i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
