I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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