woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
