Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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