He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Buhtt sex?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was confusing and full of hummus
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he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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