we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
