I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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