I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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