he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
