Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
