this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize