Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
