i just had sex bonerless
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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