That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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