I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
