I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
