I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
