I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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