Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
