I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
