he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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