My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
